How Dragons Would Save Our Economy

By Josh Yagley
With much uncertainty in our current financial stability, and facing, possibly, some of the hardest years our nation has ever been challenged with, it has never been more paramount, that we create dragons that can procreate and be trained for our bidding.

While the idea of dragons is not a new one, and has been around for hundreds of years, we finally live in an era where we can finally make that dream a reality. Sadly, there has been very little movement for the advancement of dragon technology since the time of Merlin. I find this completely unacceptable.

While I do not really know all that much about genetics or the limitations of said field, I have read every book on the subject of Dragons and have seen Reign of Fire eight times. From my research, I have been able to come to the conclusion that the attributes of dragons have many positives and negatives.

For one, their ability for economical flight would make dragons, and dragon powered vehicles, the primary mode of transportation. This would be the largest change to the basic mode of transportation since the development of an economical car. Sadly, Detroit will need to jump on the Dragon Wagon early, in order to stay afloat. However, this would reduce the United State's dependency on foreign oil to nearly nothing and that is simply too great of an opportunity to pass up. Plus, dragons would make /n/ an actually interesting board.

There is however one very big downside to dragon transportation. Dragon shit would become a very real issue, that we would need to deal with. From calculations I have done, some of the larger dragons that would be used for mass-transportation (For the economical Dragoon (Yes, I know that currently this is not the proper usage of the term, but it will be when we have dragons)) would create fecal matter that weighs over 100kg! This amount of dragon shit could actually cause structural damage to buildings on the ground while the dragon is in flight. (This is also a positive for Dragon powered buildings which would not have this issue) While this will allow for expansion in new markets the diaper industry could only dream of, this is even more true if the CEO is a fan of dragons, it would be the greatest undertaking their scientists will ever be challenged with. If they succeed, dragons would become the most efficient form of transportation man has ever seen, even after considering you will need to deal with dragon shit... a lot of dragon shit.

It's 03:00 in Afghanistan, you and your squad of the best Dragoons the world has ever seen are trying to capture a highly skilled and well hidden terrorist. Your men are tired, your dragons have not eaten a proper meal of three cows in two weeks. You are about ready to head home to see your wife, Tinny, and the kids again, you remember the last dragon letter you got from home. Tommy, learned how to ride your pet dragon you hear. How cute the picture was. Trangkulif was always such a good dragon. So peaceful and so ki- A PILLAR OF FIRE SHOOTS OUT OF NOWHERE! Your squad does a barrel roll to dodge the flame. Tymothy is not lucky enough, and is hit by the blast. You shout out his name, but it can't be heard over the screeching dragons. You double back and you have the enemy in your sight. You ready your flamethrower and dragon, then take the shot. Both hit. The enemy dragon goes down and the day is saved. After the rush of adrenaline settles, you realize that everyone in your life has a name that starts with the letter T. Hmm, that's odd.

See?! Wasn't that the greatest war story of all time?! Fighting with Dragons will be the most exciting form of combat ever conceived! While sure going into combat with a flamethrower while riding a fire breathing dragon would seem redundant, I can't think of anything more awesome! Also breeding dragons is going to be a much more economical way of manufacturing weapons, and I can't foresee us again going into debt in order to fund wars. So even more awesome Dragon Wars!

There are honestly no downsides to fire breathing dragons, just awesome upsides.

Then there are some general things that would be positive and negative about having dragons in everyday lives.

• Dragons would make the Renaissances Festival even more badass. We could train a real dragon that acts like it is being slayed when hit with cardboard swords. Oh the kids will love it!


• Dragon's great ability to hunt will cause only the awesome animals to not go extinct. We will never have to deal with boring animals like pigs and cows again!


• Dragons if in the right situation, can turn on their master. The owner will need to have the upper hand in such a situation. Again, other markets can supply technology to handle this. I expect cattle prod and electric fence manufactures to triple their sales, if dragons become as common place, as I expect them to be.

So in closing, I would like to say that as soon as possible, we need movement from our scientists to create dragons before it is too late. Dragons can solve any problem that is thrown at them and we need to be able to harness this power, today. Also, as detailed here, all issues with dragons allow for other markets to expand. Then with current markets that will be taken over by dragons, they will need to shift their resources to advancing dragon technology as soon as it is viable. Dragons are the future, you don't want to be left behind!

But still, Lair sucked.